Words

I’ve never thought of myself as a blogger. I started this blog as an assignment for a class last semester. However, I’ve been thinking lately that it might be a good writing outlet to both practice on and to generally just get my thoughts out there. This is especially important in my life at the moment because in the past couple of weeks I’ve had sort of a realization that I come off as a much more closed-off person than I want to be. Depending on your relationship with me you may agree or disagree, but the fact is, I often spend so much time in my own head that people I’m close with form misconceptions of me that aren’t true to who I am. I have very clear thoughts and conversations with myself, so when others misunderstand me or my intentions, I’m often surprised. I don’t realize that though I can communicate effectively with myself, I usually don’t tell others what I’m thinking. This has come to my attention most clearly as I’ve begun to form close and meaningful friendships with new people I’ve met at school this year. It’s not that I intend to be closed-off or secretive. In fact, I think of myself as a pretty outgoing person in general, and with subjects I am passionate about, I can be pretty outspoken.

I’m rambling. But these are my thoughts. My New Year’s resolution this year was to strengthen my existing relationships and I think I’ve made some progress so far. I’m happier with my friendships and in general feel more secure. I’ve also been working on living outside of my own head and realizing that so much more exists. I’m tired of always being so worried about and wrapped up in how others might perceive me. I have so many people that love and care about me who couldn’t care less about how my hair looks today, whether or not I wore makeup or if my nose is too big. Sure, it’s impossible not to be insecure every once and a while, but when it comes down to it, no one else really cares about that stuff.

This was a pretty aimless first blog post, but I enjoyed writing it, so I’m happy. If you made it to this point, cool. As the late, great David Carr said, you should just “keep typing until it turns into writing.” I’m gonna keep typing.